Regret
Today marks week 3 of starting Jenny Craig. While I have not gained any weight from my last weigh-in, I have not lost any either. If I had stayed on track, I'm positive I would of lost 15lbs by now. But as the saying goes, "shoudda, couldda & wouldda don't count".
Understandably, family crisis will flip any one's life upside down. But is this what I should expect when I deviate even the slightest bit from routine? Could I have stayed on my J.C plan during this tumultuous time? I mean, I did wake up in a house with an oven, and go to sleep in a house with an oven....It just wasn't MY house. Do I look for any excuse to jump off the program? I really don't have the answers to those questions right now. Who know how deep the reasons for any of our behaviors lie. Who know, maybe the fear of success is too much. Maybe somewhere deep down inside, I'm afraid of succeeding because I can't handle the newfound attention it will bring to my life.... WHO KNOWS.... It just seems that EVERY SINGLE TIME I get to this point, something always happens that throws me right off course. Whether it's in my control or not, something always happens that give way for me to relapse into my usual nonsense.
The only thing that I am sure about is this: I'm supper ready to get back on track. I called J.C. and scheduled an appointment for New Year's Eve at 1pm. I was trying to get a jump start on the all the"New Year's Resolutioners" that will be crowding our gyms and J.C centers for the month of January...but I guess I'll one of them now.
If ya can't beat em, join em!
Monday, December 28, 2009
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Day 20???
Relief.
So after that last post, I get a phone call from my mother. Pop is in the hospital. There's a breathing tube shoved down his throat to keep him alive, he's sedated and both his hands are tied down. Commence chaos.
Before I even go any further, I want to say that he's fine now. He is a dialysis patient, and his kidneys don't work. He had about 20 pounds of fluid build up in his body that was preventing him from breathing. The dialyzed him, and he's back to normal now....well, as normal as one can be with non-functioning kidneys.
Needless to say, Jenny Craig went straight to hell for the last 6 days. I was living in between the hospital and my mother's house, and not for one second was I concerned about finding a microwave to heat up my diet food. I can pretend that I was the slightest bit concerned about J.C, but I really wasn't. I am concerned about getting back on that horse, now that Pop is back home. I have to call and make an appointment again with my consultant, who..incidentely.,..has been blowing up my phone. I'm not too sure if that's a good or a bad thing. Yes, it's nice they care....No, I don't really wanna hear "Hey, this is Steph from Jenny Craig" when my father is dying in the hospital.
Tomorrow is a new day, and back on the saddle we go.
So after that last post, I get a phone call from my mother. Pop is in the hospital. There's a breathing tube shoved down his throat to keep him alive, he's sedated and both his hands are tied down. Commence chaos.
Before I even go any further, I want to say that he's fine now. He is a dialysis patient, and his kidneys don't work. He had about 20 pounds of fluid build up in his body that was preventing him from breathing. The dialyzed him, and he's back to normal now....well, as normal as one can be with non-functioning kidneys.
Needless to say, Jenny Craig went straight to hell for the last 6 days. I was living in between the hospital and my mother's house, and not for one second was I concerned about finding a microwave to heat up my diet food. I can pretend that I was the slightest bit concerned about J.C, but I really wasn't. I am concerned about getting back on that horse, now that Pop is back home. I have to call and make an appointment again with my consultant, who..incidentely.,..has been blowing up my phone. I'm not too sure if that's a good or a bad thing. Yes, it's nice they care....No, I don't really wanna hear "Hey, this is Steph from Jenny Craig" when my father is dying in the hospital.
Tomorrow is a new day, and back on the saddle we go.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Day 14
DAMN IT.
I missed my weigh in today. I was just in too much pain to go. I know I've lost some weight because my obsessive compulsive self has been keeping track on my scale at home. I didn't sleep at ALL last night from the pain of the cyst, and I just wanted to run home SO BAD after work. I called J.C and let them know that I wasn't going to make it, and rescheduled it for Wednesday afternoon.
I'm not worried....am I?
I missed my weigh in today. I was just in too much pain to go. I know I've lost some weight because my obsessive compulsive self has been keeping track on my scale at home. I didn't sleep at ALL last night from the pain of the cyst, and I just wanted to run home SO BAD after work. I called J.C and let them know that I wasn't going to make it, and rescheduled it for Wednesday afternoon.
I'm not worried....am I?
Day 13
Result.
So I ate my body weight in finger foods and booze. Am I disappointed? Slightly. Devastated enough to throw in the towel? Never. I really feel like I've come way to far to give up now. To be honest, I'm way more concerned with the stabbing pains that I woke up with, just around my lower abdomen region.
For the last few months, I've been battling what most women in their "child bearing" years battle with, especially if they don't have any kids... You guessed it... Ovarian Cysts. So a few months ago, I found myself in the emergency room, keeled over in pain. Apparently, one of these cysts had burst. Now, being that Google and WebMD has made me a civilian expert on everything and anything having to do with reproductive health, it is my civilian opinion that I had another episode of a burst cyst. Did I mention I've had my period for 3 weeks straight? My body is totally out of whack now. All I can do this think about how getting rid of these extra LBS would really alleviate my cystic situation. It seems that every site that I went to to research my problem, all had a common thread......being overweight is a contributing factor to the risk and likely hood of developing ovarian cysts. Something about hormones being stored in fat, and carrying extra fat, and hormones and cysts...and yada, yada, yada...
Bottom line is this.... Living with the constant threat and worry of not only developing cysts, but having them BURST and cause intense pain, basically whenever they feel like...really sucks. Ask any women you know how bad it is when you have an ovarian cyst burst....it's HORRIBLE!
So on that note (as I sit here high on Viccodine for some pain relief from my fat induced ovarian cyst), this is just one more motivating factor to continue to loose weight. Life really does suck when you are a slave to a medical condition.
So I ate my body weight in finger foods and booze. Am I disappointed? Slightly. Devastated enough to throw in the towel? Never. I really feel like I've come way to far to give up now. To be honest, I'm way more concerned with the stabbing pains that I woke up with, just around my lower abdomen region.
For the last few months, I've been battling what most women in their "child bearing" years battle with, especially if they don't have any kids... You guessed it... Ovarian Cysts. So a few months ago, I found myself in the emergency room, keeled over in pain. Apparently, one of these cysts had burst. Now, being that Google and WebMD has made me a civilian expert on everything and anything having to do with reproductive health, it is my civilian opinion that I had another episode of a burst cyst. Did I mention I've had my period for 3 weeks straight? My body is totally out of whack now. All I can do this think about how getting rid of these extra LBS would really alleviate my cystic situation. It seems that every site that I went to to research my problem, all had a common thread......being overweight is a contributing factor to the risk and likely hood of developing ovarian cysts. Something about hormones being stored in fat, and carrying extra fat, and hormones and cysts...and yada, yada, yada...
Bottom line is this.... Living with the constant threat and worry of not only developing cysts, but having them BURST and cause intense pain, basically whenever they feel like...really sucks. Ask any women you know how bad it is when you have an ovarian cyst burst....it's HORRIBLE!
So on that note (as I sit here high on Viccodine for some pain relief from my fat induced ovarian cyst), this is just one more motivating factor to continue to loose weight. Life really does suck when you are a slave to a medical condition.
Day 12
Party People
Time for a small party break. Wish me luck tonight and hopefully I won't eat my body weight in finger foods and booze.
Time for a small party break. Wish me luck tonight and hopefully I won't eat my body weight in finger foods and booze.
Day 11
Happy Friday Family
It's a little hard not having my computer hooked up. We disassembled it for fear that some inconsiderate schmuck would rest their drink on it at our holiday party tomorrow night. Nothing like having a $4000 drink coaster. So with that being said, it may be a little difficult for me to post for the next few days. It's gonna take a while to recover and set everything back up after the party. And their ain't NO WAY I'm gonna get caught on my work computer blogging about how and why I'm a fat ass.
So anyway, this whole process of trying to shed our old skin (for me, all 60 extra lbs of it) is exactly what I just called it...A PROCESS. First of all, (besides nicotine addiction) losing weight has got to be the absolute HARDEST thing in life to do. What other activity do we have to dedicate so much mental time and attention to? It is an ongoing process will never end. UNLESS OF COURSE, we can figure out how to not make it a PROCESS. I guess the real question is, how do we change it from being a PROCESS to something instinctive?
How do we wake up in the morning and instinctively want fruit and granola instead of a sausage McGriddle from McDonalds? How do we instinctively feel the need to make sure we drink 8 glasses of water instead of 8 cans of Diet Coke? How do we instinctively know that eating a light, healthy dinner is really what our body wants? Really the corruption in our mind is fighting against our natural instinct to be healthy. So I guess we have to fix what's in our minds first then, no?
What has been slowly happening to me in the last 2 weeks while being on this diet, has really opened my eyes to the natural signals my body has been trying to give me for years. For example, and I can bet the bank on this....every single time I decide to go on one of my wacky diet, the easiest thing to do is make sure I drink my 8-10 glasses of water.....and every single time I go at least a week or so and consistently stay hydrated, my skin clears right the fuck up. It's amazing. For a while, I was like...Ummm, I'm in my 30's and still breakout? UNACCEPTABLE. Not that I'm claiming to have porcelain skin now, but I sure don't break out like I used to even as recent as a few weeks ago. For me, that's motivation enough to stay on top of my water game.
Now the problem with staying on top of eating healthy is the results aren't always so immediate.
Drink water=skin clears up in a week.
Feel like we are starving ourselves for 3 week and pretty much look the same=not so much fun.
And this is where we faulter. This is where we ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS throw in the towel. What I'm saying family, is let's not just throw in the towel yet again. Let's make it past this plateau. Can we throw on a bikini this season and feel comfy? I sure know I can't. But guess what...I will, and in relatively short period of time...
I've also learned that getting fixated on a big number is a sure fire way to discourage the heck out of me. So like I've mentioned before...baby steps. My next goal is to lose another 10lbs. No matter how long that takes. The most important piece of advice that I can give whenever I "preach" about staying on our diet is this...TIME IS GOING TO PASS ANYWAY. If it's 1 pound a week or 4 pounds a week, it's still fat that's off our ass. And when 6 months pass, and we are kicking ourselves for giving up, just think about how happy you would of been with 1 lb a week. That could of been 24lbs if we didn't give up!
So instead of bitching and moaning that it's "only 1 pound"..TAKE THE 1LB LOSS! IT ADDS UP, AND ITS BETTER THEN A 1LB GAIN!!!
It's a little hard not having my computer hooked up. We disassembled it for fear that some inconsiderate schmuck would rest their drink on it at our holiday party tomorrow night. Nothing like having a $4000 drink coaster. So with that being said, it may be a little difficult for me to post for the next few days. It's gonna take a while to recover and set everything back up after the party. And their ain't NO WAY I'm gonna get caught on my work computer blogging about how and why I'm a fat ass.
So anyway, this whole process of trying to shed our old skin (for me, all 60 extra lbs of it) is exactly what I just called it...A PROCESS. First of all, (besides nicotine addiction) losing weight has got to be the absolute HARDEST thing in life to do. What other activity do we have to dedicate so much mental time and attention to? It is an ongoing process will never end. UNLESS OF COURSE, we can figure out how to not make it a PROCESS. I guess the real question is, how do we change it from being a PROCESS to something instinctive?
How do we wake up in the morning and instinctively want fruit and granola instead of a sausage McGriddle from McDonalds? How do we instinctively feel the need to make sure we drink 8 glasses of water instead of 8 cans of Diet Coke? How do we instinctively know that eating a light, healthy dinner is really what our body wants? Really the corruption in our mind is fighting against our natural instinct to be healthy. So I guess we have to fix what's in our minds first then, no?
What has been slowly happening to me in the last 2 weeks while being on this diet, has really opened my eyes to the natural signals my body has been trying to give me for years. For example, and I can bet the bank on this....every single time I decide to go on one of my wacky diet, the easiest thing to do is make sure I drink my 8-10 glasses of water.....and every single time I go at least a week or so and consistently stay hydrated, my skin clears right the fuck up. It's amazing. For a while, I was like...Ummm, I'm in my 30's and still breakout? UNACCEPTABLE. Not that I'm claiming to have porcelain skin now, but I sure don't break out like I used to even as recent as a few weeks ago. For me, that's motivation enough to stay on top of my water game.
Now the problem with staying on top of eating healthy is the results aren't always so immediate.
Drink water=skin clears up in a week.
Feel like we are starving ourselves for 3 week and pretty much look the same=not so much fun.
And this is where we faulter. This is where we ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS throw in the towel. What I'm saying family, is let's not just throw in the towel yet again. Let's make it past this plateau. Can we throw on a bikini this season and feel comfy? I sure know I can't. But guess what...I will, and in relatively short period of time...
I've also learned that getting fixated on a big number is a sure fire way to discourage the heck out of me. So like I've mentioned before...baby steps. My next goal is to lose another 10lbs. No matter how long that takes. The most important piece of advice that I can give whenever I "preach" about staying on our diet is this...TIME IS GOING TO PASS ANYWAY. If it's 1 pound a week or 4 pounds a week, it's still fat that's off our ass. And when 6 months pass, and we are kicking ourselves for giving up, just think about how happy you would of been with 1 lb a week. That could of been 24lbs if we didn't give up!
So instead of bitching and moaning that it's "only 1 pound"..TAKE THE 1LB LOSS! IT ADDS UP, AND ITS BETTER THEN A 1LB GAIN!!!
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Day 10
The Holidays
What a better time to start a diet, no? I love getting to work and seeing a plate of Christmas cookies or Hanukkah ruggulah on my desk. Oh yes...and all the office holiday parties....nothing like telling all the people you work with (and most of whom you hate) that you can't go to the holiday party because you have an eating disorder that prevents you from eating like a normal person. Nothing embarrassing at all about sharing that with people you have no respect for. This year, I am also fortunate to even HOST a holiday party. So now, I even get to prepare the food that I can't eat...YIPEE!
On a lighter note, I think surrendering one day a week to keep my sanity isn't such a big deal either. This week, I will be surrendering on Saturday night. Particularly because it's the birthday of one of my bestest of bestest friends. I really just feel that kicking back, eating, drinking, and swapping a few shits and giggles with good people, is too hard to pass up.
On a more technical note, I really believe that eating like a normal person for 1 day a week actually speeds up the weight loss process. I mean, I'm no Doctor...but I can only imagine that eating 1200 calories a day sends our body into somewhat of starvation mode. With that being said, I feel that jumping back up to 2000 calories a day will trick our bodies into NOT getting stuck on a plateau. The worst possible thing in the world for me, is feeling like I did my best all week, and not loosing a single pound. As it is, I'm looking for a reason to give up, so not loosing anything after a week of torment, would totally devastate me. I don't really know...does it sound bananas to you?
What a better time to start a diet, no? I love getting to work and seeing a plate of Christmas cookies or Hanukkah ruggulah on my desk. Oh yes...and all the office holiday parties....nothing like telling all the people you work with (and most of whom you hate) that you can't go to the holiday party because you have an eating disorder that prevents you from eating like a normal person. Nothing embarrassing at all about sharing that with people you have no respect for. This year, I am also fortunate to even HOST a holiday party. So now, I even get to prepare the food that I can't eat...YIPEE!
On a lighter note, I think surrendering one day a week to keep my sanity isn't such a big deal either. This week, I will be surrendering on Saturday night. Particularly because it's the birthday of one of my bestest of bestest friends. I really just feel that kicking back, eating, drinking, and swapping a few shits and giggles with good people, is too hard to pass up.
On a more technical note, I really believe that eating like a normal person for 1 day a week actually speeds up the weight loss process. I mean, I'm no Doctor...but I can only imagine that eating 1200 calories a day sends our body into somewhat of starvation mode. With that being said, I feel that jumping back up to 2000 calories a day will trick our bodies into NOT getting stuck on a plateau. The worst possible thing in the world for me, is feeling like I did my best all week, and not loosing a single pound. As it is, I'm looking for a reason to give up, so not loosing anything after a week of torment, would totally devastate me. I don't really know...does it sound bananas to you?
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Day 9
Endurance
HOT DAMN I felt like giving up today. I don't know about you, but my weakest moment of the day, EVERY day, is sometime between 4-6:00pm. Something about that time of the day that just makes me want to EAT. That's usually the time of the day that I have assigned to hit the gym (which I've been slacking on). So instead of focusing that energy on the gym, my mind wanders to what I wish I could be eating.
Another problem I'm also facing, is how incredibly difficult it is to refrain from any type of social activity because of my J.C restrictions. Simply put, I really feel like I can't go out....at least not now. And it's not that I can't go out because technically, at some point I have to return home and eat....It's really because when I'm out and about, there are just too many temptation (for any food obsessed chick such as myself) to resist. I really feel like I need to get a substantial amount of weight loss under my belt in order for me to have enough mental ammunition to combat my compulsion to eat. Does that sound nuts?
HOT DAMN I felt like giving up today. I don't know about you, but my weakest moment of the day, EVERY day, is sometime between 4-6:00pm. Something about that time of the day that just makes me want to EAT. That's usually the time of the day that I have assigned to hit the gym (which I've been slacking on). So instead of focusing that energy on the gym, my mind wanders to what I wish I could be eating.
Another problem I'm also facing, is how incredibly difficult it is to refrain from any type of social activity because of my J.C restrictions. Simply put, I really feel like I can't go out....at least not now. And it's not that I can't go out because technically, at some point I have to return home and eat....It's really because when I'm out and about, there are just too many temptation (for any food obsessed chick such as myself) to resist. I really feel like I need to get a substantial amount of weight loss under my belt in order for me to have enough mental ammunition to combat my compulsion to eat. Does that sound nuts?
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Day 8
Did I Cheat?
Pinkberry came out with a new flavor. CHOCOLATE. Need I say more? So on our way to the gym, me and my "skinny bitch" (see Day 2 post) co-worker decided to stop by Pinkberry and get a taste of the new flavor. It's DELICIOUS. It tastes like a chocolate icey. Now, here's my question. We are technically supposed to have 2 "calciums" a day. Maybe a yogurt and a J.C Anytime Bar... maybe the milk in our coffee and the milk in our cereal....maybe 2 yogurts? These are all the options that my consultant discussed with me when I asked her what constituted a "calcium".
Regardless or what I was supposed to eat, I ended up eating a small Pinkberry Chocolate Yogurt with Captain Crunch on it. The whole thing had 1 gram of fat, and about 190 calories (it would of been 170 without the toppings). Does that mean I cheated?! I didn't have any other "calcium" product today. Can I swap regular ol' yogurt from the supermarket for frozen Pinkberry Yogurt ? Instinctively (god damned those instincts), I feel like it doesn't equate. I guess I'll just have to hold off on the Pinkberry for now until I get a real answer. But let me just say this, if we are actually allowed to use our "calcium" on Pinkberry...don't walk, RUN to your nearest Pinkberry and try the chocolate yogurt. It sure is yummy.
Pinkberry came out with a new flavor. CHOCOLATE. Need I say more? So on our way to the gym, me and my "skinny bitch" (see Day 2 post) co-worker decided to stop by Pinkberry and get a taste of the new flavor. It's DELICIOUS. It tastes like a chocolate icey. Now, here's my question. We are technically supposed to have 2 "calciums" a day. Maybe a yogurt and a J.C Anytime Bar... maybe the milk in our coffee and the milk in our cereal....maybe 2 yogurts? These are all the options that my consultant discussed with me when I asked her what constituted a "calcium".
Regardless or what I was supposed to eat, I ended up eating a small Pinkberry Chocolate Yogurt with Captain Crunch on it. The whole thing had 1 gram of fat, and about 190 calories (it would of been 170 without the toppings). Does that mean I cheated?! I didn't have any other "calcium" product today. Can I swap regular ol' yogurt from the supermarket for frozen Pinkberry Yogurt ? Instinctively (god damned those instincts), I feel like it doesn't equate. I guess I'll just have to hold off on the Pinkberry for now until I get a real answer. But let me just say this, if we are actually allowed to use our "calcium" on Pinkberry...don't walk, RUN to your nearest Pinkberry and try the chocolate yogurt. It sure is yummy.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Day 7
My Hips Don't Lie
Today was my first weigh-in and I lost 8.5lbs!.....AMAZING. Instinctively, I felt accomplished. A whole week (and a few snafus) of dieting finally paid off. After the initial shock of loosing more then 1 lbs a day wore off, reality set in. Next week will not be the same. Next week's weigh-in will not reflect what they call "The Big Drop". Most of the 8.5 lbs was water, backed up poop and probably even the heavy lunch I had that day. The real test of my endurance is what tale the scale will tell after week 2. What will happen during the next weigh in, now that my body had gotten used to surviving off of 1200 measly calories a day.
Something I did discover this evening that I feel is SO worth sharing is this.... J.C lunches and dinners are interchangeable. Ummm, HELLO????!!! I wish I would of know that from jump street. I really can say there is not one single J.C. "lunch" that I enjoy. I really can't stand them at all. I ate them because I had to, but there was nothing pleasurably about it. My J.C. consultant ever so casually mentioned that I could choose 14 "dinners" to be used as my lunch and dinner for the week. Now all I gotta say it, GAME ON! I though FOR SURE I was gonna drop out of this race after 2 more weeks of soggy fake chinese food, and bitter tomato cardboard pizza. I really can't believe how much better the dinners are then the lunches. I was told that they assign the lunch food to lunch because they are more "lunchy" type of foods. All I can say it. FUCK THAT...I'll take the dinner Penne Pasta over their "Lunchy" Chef Boyardee-esque Rotini anyday!
On that note....here's one more inspirational pic to keep us focused.......I can taste success right around the corner...!
Today was my first weigh-in and I lost 8.5lbs!.....AMAZING. Instinctively, I felt accomplished. A whole week (and a few snafus) of dieting finally paid off. After the initial shock of loosing more then 1 lbs a day wore off, reality set in. Next week will not be the same. Next week's weigh-in will not reflect what they call "The Big Drop". Most of the 8.5 lbs was water, backed up poop and probably even the heavy lunch I had that day. The real test of my endurance is what tale the scale will tell after week 2. What will happen during the next weigh in, now that my body had gotten used to surviving off of 1200 measly calories a day.
Something I did discover this evening that I feel is SO worth sharing is this.... J.C lunches and dinners are interchangeable. Ummm, HELLO????!!! I wish I would of know that from jump street. I really can say there is not one single J.C. "lunch" that I enjoy. I really can't stand them at all. I ate them because I had to, but there was nothing pleasurably about it. My J.C. consultant ever so casually mentioned that I could choose 14 "dinners" to be used as my lunch and dinner for the week. Now all I gotta say it, GAME ON! I though FOR SURE I was gonna drop out of this race after 2 more weeks of soggy fake chinese food, and bitter tomato cardboard pizza. I really can't believe how much better the dinners are then the lunches. I was told that they assign the lunch food to lunch because they are more "lunchy" type of foods. All I can say it. FUCK THAT...I'll take the dinner Penne Pasta over their "Lunchy" Chef Boyardee-esque Rotini anyday!
On that note....here's one more inspirational pic to keep us focused.......I can taste success right around the corner...!
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Day 6
Fucking Up.
I may have created a self fulling prophecy by always talking about fucking up at my mother's house...cause guess what...I fucked up. I mean, it really could have been a lot worse. I just ate like a normal person yesterday. I started my day by eating my J.C.A.M (Jenny Craig Appointed Meal) in the morning and afternoon. But soon as the night fell, Ma Dukes wanted me to take her out to dinner. It's bad enough I hardly go and visit my parents to begin with, but to then tell her no, I can't break a lil' bread with her because my mouth turns into a hoover vacuum in a restaurant? I figured I'd just take the loss on this one meal, and try my best to control myself.
So I schlepped my mother to her preferred choice of dinning experience... California Pizza Kitchen ( I know, I know... high societal living). What I wanted to eat was this: Nachos with Spinach Artichoke Dip, Mushroom Ravioli in a Pesto Cream Sauce, and a Hot Fudge Sundae for dessert... Approximately 2200 calories. What I actually ate was this: Tortilla Soup, Grilled Chicken Cesar Salad (lite on the dressing), and a kid's sized Hot Fudge Sundae... Approximately 1200 calories). What I SHOULD of eaten was this: Grilled Chicken Cesar Salad-no dressing, and the Asparagus Soup (which is basically like hot water with Asparagus floating around in it -Yuk). That would of been about 400 calories. As bland, tasteless and unappetizing as that is, it is still a little bit higher then the caloric value of the J.C Pizza I should of eaten that night.
All this brings me back to my original point (and remember Family, I'm really talking to myself here...), if you are on J.C, then BE on J.C. Unless you have the will power to go out to dinner, and have a dry salad with a glass of water while everyone else around you is shoveling food down their mouths, then just don't go. Oh man, I just remembered about the 2 pieces of buttered bread I had while waiting for my food last night...Oh lord... and the chocolate donut that I grabbed as I ran out of my mother's house this morning. Oh lord....I'm in trouble... Hopefully the 6 days of being on this plan religiously has afforded me a little room to fuck up. Tomorrow is weigh-in, so we'll see.....
I may have created a self fulling prophecy by always talking about fucking up at my mother's house...cause guess what...I fucked up. I mean, it really could have been a lot worse. I just ate like a normal person yesterday. I started my day by eating my J.C.A.M (Jenny Craig Appointed Meal) in the morning and afternoon. But soon as the night fell, Ma Dukes wanted me to take her out to dinner. It's bad enough I hardly go and visit my parents to begin with, but to then tell her no, I can't break a lil' bread with her because my mouth turns into a hoover vacuum in a restaurant? I figured I'd just take the loss on this one meal, and try my best to control myself.
So I schlepped my mother to her preferred choice of dinning experience... California Pizza Kitchen ( I know, I know... high societal living). What I wanted to eat was this: Nachos with Spinach Artichoke Dip, Mushroom Ravioli in a Pesto Cream Sauce, and a Hot Fudge Sundae for dessert... Approximately 2200 calories. What I actually ate was this: Tortilla Soup, Grilled Chicken Cesar Salad (lite on the dressing), and a kid's sized Hot Fudge Sundae... Approximately 1200 calories). What I SHOULD of eaten was this: Grilled Chicken Cesar Salad-no dressing, and the Asparagus Soup (which is basically like hot water with Asparagus floating around in it -Yuk). That would of been about 400 calories. As bland, tasteless and unappetizing as that is, it is still a little bit higher then the caloric value of the J.C Pizza I should of eaten that night.
All this brings me back to my original point (and remember Family, I'm really talking to myself here...), if you are on J.C, then BE on J.C. Unless you have the will power to go out to dinner, and have a dry salad with a glass of water while everyone else around you is shoveling food down their mouths, then just don't go. Oh man, I just remembered about the 2 pieces of buttered bread I had while waiting for my food last night...Oh lord... and the chocolate donut that I grabbed as I ran out of my mother's house this morning. Oh lord....I'm in trouble... Hopefully the 6 days of being on this plan religiously has afforded me a little room to fuck up. Tomorrow is weigh-in, so we'll see.....
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Day 5
This is actually an old entry that I wrote some months ago when I tried Weight Watchers. Not that I'm knocking good ol Jenny McCarthy loving W.W, I just need a lil more structure when trying to diet. Give me an inch and I WILL take that mile. I'm here visiting my mother, so I figured I'd post this in homage to her.
July 20th, 2009
Moms.
There are just some things that set me off. Set me off way BEYOND any possibility of self-restraint with food. It's like my mind is taken over by some mystical force, and I no longer have control over my body. One of those "triggers" is going to my mother's house. Years of therapy probably won't be able to explain why that is...It just is. So I have to accept it and work around that pitfall while I'm trying to lose weight.
The reason I brought that up is because I'm at my mother's. Immediately, when I walk in, I go straight for the refrigerator. WHY? I don't even know....wasn't even hungry. Thanks god she's in Greece right now, and they emptied the entire fridge out. I go sit and in the dinning room, and waiting for me is a bag of chocolate chip mini-muffins. GONE LIKE THE WIND...I almost ate the bag too. I look to my left, and miraculously I see my ALL TIME favorite dessert in life. Now, how can it be that my mother is 5,000 miles and an entire ocean away from me, and a bag of rainbow cookies is sitting right in front of me at her house? I'm pretty sure I ate a lil bit of the paper when I inhaled them. I grabbed the mail I came to get, and vowed never to go to that evil place again.
July 20th, 2009
Moms.
There are just some things that set me off. Set me off way BEYOND any possibility of self-restraint with food. It's like my mind is taken over by some mystical force, and I no longer have control over my body. One of those "triggers" is going to my mother's house. Years of therapy probably won't be able to explain why that is...It just is. So I have to accept it and work around that pitfall while I'm trying to lose weight.
The reason I brought that up is because I'm at my mother's. Immediately, when I walk in, I go straight for the refrigerator. WHY? I don't even know....wasn't even hungry. Thanks god she's in Greece right now, and they emptied the entire fridge out. I go sit and in the dinning room, and waiting for me is a bag of chocolate chip mini-muffins. GONE LIKE THE WIND...I almost ate the bag too. I look to my left, and miraculously I see my ALL TIME favorite dessert in life. Now, how can it be that my mother is 5,000 miles and an entire ocean away from me, and a bag of rainbow cookies is sitting right in front of me at her house? I'm pretty sure I ate a lil bit of the paper when I inhaled them. I grabbed the mail I came to get, and vowed never to go to that evil place again.
Needless to say, the rest of the day went to shit after that. I had a slice of pizza for lunch (it wasn't even that good), and a bag of chips for dinner. But as the song says, "we fall down, but we get up". This morning, I woke up ready to get back up. I did come super close to ordering about 1300 calories for dinner last night from my favorite spot FLOR DE MAYO, but I forced myself to just forget the day, go to bed and start over right now. In hindsight, it could of been a lot worse.
Day 4
Poop.
I don't know about you, but as a historically fat chick, I've always had problems taking a shit (I was going to sugar coat that by saying "using the bathroom", but I don't have a problem peeing, I have a problem taking a shit). Instinctively, I know that having a "healthy bowel movement" (there, is that better?) goes hand in hand with being skinny. I guess all the garbage I used to eat, fortified with an obsession of drinking Diet Coke (ironic, huh?), along with lack of water really didn't help move things along.
To try and jump start this weight loss adventure/internal cleansing process of sorts, I bought this product called COLONIX from www.drnatura.com. It basically cleans out your insides with out having to shove a tube up your ass and have a real Colonic (been there, done that...and just so you know, colonics are only effective if you have about 10 of them in a month. If you thought they were gonna suck 20 pounds of fat out of your ass in one session, you're horribly mistaken). It's a 3 step process..FIRST, there are these anti-parasite pills that you take in the morning. THEN, you scoop this powdery shit in a glass of water and chug it down. It's probably the nastiest thing you'll every drink. Really, it's like drinking a scoop of dirt in a glass of water. LASTLY, at night you have a cup of their tea. 10 or so hours later, presto magico, you're poopin away. And I don't mean like, you're in a meeting and it HITS YOU like a ton of bricks, and you have to RUUUUUUNNNNNN to the nearest bathroom. It's very manageable. And It makes me drink about 4 extra glasses of water that I probably wouldn't of had. I would recommend it if you can really stick to it. Don't buy it though if you can stomach the taste of dirt water in the morning. I don't know how it works for everyone else, but for whatever reason it seems to be working for me.
PS...I've attached a pic for a lil inspiration..(or a reason to kill yourself....either way, here ya go..)" And NO, they aren't pictures of turds floating around in a toilet bowl. You'd just DIE if you saw what you get when you google images of Dr. Natura...yuk....none of that has happen to me..., well...yet.
I don't know about you, but as a historically fat chick, I've always had problems taking a shit (I was going to sugar coat that by saying "using the bathroom", but I don't have a problem peeing, I have a problem taking a shit). Instinctively, I know that having a "healthy bowel movement" (there, is that better?) goes hand in hand with being skinny. I guess all the garbage I used to eat, fortified with an obsession of drinking Diet Coke (ironic, huh?), along with lack of water really didn't help move things along.
To try and jump start this weight loss adventure/internal cleansing process of sorts, I bought this product called COLONIX from www.drnatura.com. It basically cleans out your insides with out having to shove a tube up your ass and have a real Colonic (been there, done that...and just so you know, colonics are only effective if you have about 10 of them in a month. If you thought they were gonna suck 20 pounds of fat out of your ass in one session, you're horribly mistaken). It's a 3 step process..FIRST, there are these anti-parasite pills that you take in the morning. THEN, you scoop this powdery shit in a glass of water and chug it down. It's probably the nastiest thing you'll every drink. Really, it's like drinking a scoop of dirt in a glass of water. LASTLY, at night you have a cup of their tea. 10 or so hours later, presto magico, you're poopin away. And I don't mean like, you're in a meeting and it HITS YOU like a ton of bricks, and you have to RUUUUUUNNNNNN to the nearest bathroom. It's very manageable. And It makes me drink about 4 extra glasses of water that I probably wouldn't of had. I would recommend it if you can really stick to it. Don't buy it though if you can stomach the taste of dirt water in the morning. I don't know how it works for everyone else, but for whatever reason it seems to be working for me.
PS...I've attached a pic for a lil inspiration..(or a reason to kill yourself....either way, here ya go..)" And NO, they aren't pictures of turds floating around in a toilet bowl. You'd just DIE if you saw what you get when you google images of Dr. Natura...yuk....none of that has happen to me..., well...yet.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Day 3
The Weekend
What does the weekend mean for most of us? Usually, we sleep, eat, fuck( if you're lucky enough) then sleep and eat some more. Weekends are the antithesis to our regimented lives that so often keep our eating habits in check. So what does that mean? That means we sometimes need to work extra hard on not destroying what we work so hard at all week. Any by "fucking up" I mean taking a Lil nibble hear and there that we pretend never happened...Getting drunk enough to NOT remember half the shit you ate WHILE you were drinking.....and finally...using the excuse...."it's the weekend, I need a break!" No, we do NOT need a break....as a matter of fact, taking so many "BREAKS" is what got us into this predicament to begin with.
Advice for you (Actually, I'm really talking to myself) take this weekend to accelerate this whole process....Instead of laying around on the couch like a lump of shit..(who even does that anymore...oh wait, I do...) take a walk if you don't feel like working out... They say even walking for a few miles a day at a comfortable pace, WITHOUT breaking a sweat has an enormous positive impact on your body and the whole weight loss process.
So I'll leave you with this thought ladies.....Stay on track for the next 2 days, and you will be one more weekend closer (NOT FURTHER AWAY) to your perfect body.....Slim, trim and bursting with confidence....Who's WITH ME?!!!! Skinny bitches of the world beware....We're peeling off our fat suits one pound at a time.
P.S. TIP OF THE DAY- Urban rebounding is said to be the quintessential exercise to work every part of your body down to the molecular level. Even if you don't find time to hit the gym, hit up Modell's instead, pick up a mini trampoline and bounce around in your living room. If you're really crafty, I'm sure you can find a way to use it in your bedroom too......
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Day 2
Gym Antics.
So I figured, If I'm going to attempt to drop 60lbs in the next 6 months, I better start hitting the gym to in order to expedite this process. The honeymoon period of dropping anywhere from 7-10 pounds of water weight in the first week will soon come to an abrupt end just as sure as the day is long.
So I scooped up two of my homies from the job, and figured this whole gym process may be slightly less painful if I have a couple of skinny-bitch coworkers to motivate me to stay on the treadmill at least as long as they do. If there's one thing I believe, it's this: If you wanna be a skinny bitch, start hanging out with skinny bitches. Chances of me spending an extra 15 minutes on a treadmill are much greater if I'm running (who we fooling, "walking") next to someone that is drenched in sweat, and still looks amazing. I know that I am the the company I keep. So it's time to keep the company of workout freaks until I can actually BE on of them myself.
Good new is, I actually tried to keep up with them. Bad new is, I didn't even come close. It's ok though...baby steps as I like to say. Walking 2 miles on the treadmill today is much better then the hours and hours I was stuck to my couch last week. I'm averaging a 15 minute mile (stop laughing please). In the weeks to come, I'd like to cut that time in half. Until then, (let's say it together) Baby Steps.
I think it's important to look at going to the gym as something that is recreational, not chore-like. It's time to re-calibrate my brain to accept that if I want to even remotely look like any of the women posted below, I must, must, must go to the gym. So you may ask, how can one make the gym an enjoyable place to be? Taking a class and making fun of uncoordinated people in that class always helps. It's kind of like going to a comedy show. Not to mention, it will definitely make you feel better about yourself. God knows we love to laugh at other people's misfortune (oh wait, that may just be me...), and watching a fatty try to do the latest moves from Beyonce's "Put a Ring On It" video, is fucking hysterical.
OK family, Day 2 down....178 more to go...!
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Day 1
Today marks the first day of the rest of my life. I decided to join Jenny Craig (as a cringe while I type those two words...."Jenny" and "Craig"...ugh) because I wanted to do something about, well....to do something about everything. Years of therapy probably won't be able to explain why I am so consumed with weight... really, my weight.
Let's start with the particulars of the situation. I'm overweight. Real simple...I'm not going to go into how much I actually weigh. Let's just say I could stand to lose a good 50 pounds, and not look emaciated. How's that?
Making it through the first day really is the hardest part of this whole journey. It's a shock to the system that I don't think anyone is really ready for, until of course you actually just do it. To be completely honest, it wasn't that bad. I had my 3 crazy J.C. meals, some salad, an official JC approved snack, and enough water to flush out the fuel line of my father's Ford Expedition. How do I feel, you may be asking yourself (or not... you could be asking yourself how the fuck you got stuck on this blog...)? I feel pretty good. I have to say, the physicality of being addicted to food no way compares to the mental addiction of thinking you need food to make you happy. Last night I had about 2000 calories in my dinner by itself (come on now...those of you chronic dieters out there refer to this as the "last meal"). Today I had about 1400 calories all day. After consuming those 1400 calories, I really feel that it was sufficient enough to keep my tummy full and my mental appetite, content.
J.C. has its "pros" and "cons". The obvious "pro" is all the food games (thinking, cooking, measuring, weighing) is completely eliminated. Heat & Eat....end of story. The "con" is, you are a slave to the freezer. If you really want this plan to work, especially in the first few weeks, don't even think about going out to dinner. Once you get tantalized by the food prepared in restaurant kitchens (probably with 5 times the amount of butter, salt and grease that fat asses like us need to avoid), it makes it verrrrry hard to want to go back to eating out of a cardboard box. So my advice is, suck it up fatties. Make that sacrifice for yourself until you are ready to learn how to eat out with some sort of self control. God know I don't have any.....(yet).
So for a lil' visual motivation, I've added 2 pics of what we want to look like, and 2 pics of what we don't want to look like. If you even remotely look like the 2 latter pics, you should really just kill yourself unless you are ready to do something about it. If you even remotely look like the first 2, well...kill yourself just because.
Onward and upward skanks.....let's take this journey together.
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